Man who took my virginity gave me an STI

October 22, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old. I was a strong believer in Christianity until I lost faith. I believe God has given me more than I can handle. I am currently on medication for depression.

While I was going to a prominent university, I met this guy on campus. Since I was a Christian, my parents had forbidden me to have boyfriends while I was in high school, and so I didn't have much experience with men. I was struggling with the degree I was pursuing and this guy used to offer motivation and comfort to me. I eventually started liking him until we ended up in a relationship.

The first time this guy had sex with me, he took off the condom without my permission. He knew I was a virgin. I remembered getting so angry and he apologised.

He said it was a stupid mistake and he just wanted to know how a virgin felt. However, after having several sexual experiences with him, I realised this guy's penis had an awful smell when he took off the condom.

I told him to go get it checked out, and he told me it was the alcohol that he had been drinking; but I knew something was wrong.

So I started doing my research and realised that he had a sexually transmitted infection (STI) because I started having some bumps on my vagina. I started to investigate and searched his phone, and I realised this guy was not as innocent as he pretend to be.

He had been with many women prior to me, which he lied about. He was cheating. When I went to get a check up, I tested positive for herpes type 1 and 2, trichomoniasis and bacterial vaginosis. I also found out that he had passed on the virus to another female before me. I have never felt so low and stupid in all my life. Now no man will ever want to be in a relationship with me. You know how judgemental Jamaicans are.

After I ended the relationship, this guy started another relationship with a girl and kept boasting that she gave him oral sex. She is now aware that he gave her STIs I know because she texted me once.

I don't understand why she is still in a relationship with him. I feel he has told her some lies, the way he used to lie to me. How can a young man be so evil?

I honestly feel suicidal. I have lost hope in life. What can I do, pastor? I tried praying and I see no improvements. Why me? I sacrificed my virginity and now I have to live with these scars.


Dear J.C.,

I suggest that you follow the advice of your doctor, and that you do not have anything whatsoever to do with that wicked man.

It is said that "approximately one-third of unmarried, sexually active people have contracted herpes by the age of 30. Most people who develop herpes in the genital area will continue to have outbreaks for the rest of their lives". Therefore, you will always be under your doctor's care.

I beg you to take this matter seriously. Don't fret about it, but don't ignore your condition. This man who has passed this disease on to you should be in prison.

He knew that something was wrong with him and he did not seek medical help. And, in some ways, you were naive, but I won't condemn you at all.

That is what so-called love can do to a woman. Your doctor would tell you whether you can have a good intimate relationship with another man when the time comes.

I am praying for you.


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