Men must be able to ‘tek bun’

February 13, 2020

Dear Pastor,

Over the years I have thought of sharing my story, and due to one of the current plagues that we are facing, domestic abuse, I believe that my story is needed more than ever.

I am a 32-year-old man, single and living alone, but there was a time when I was young and in love.

In my younger years, I dated a few women. But only seven were given the title of 'wife'.

Unfortunately, three of them became harlots on me when their loyalty faded away. Finding out that someone you trusted and had strong feelings for was cheating on you is never easy.

The first girlfriend to cheat on me did so with my cousin, and he told me about it. At the time she did it, my feelings for her were virtually non-existent, but I wanted to know why she did it, so I asked.

She said I was messing around with a friend of hers. When I found out about the other two, I was devastated to the point that I wept.

I truly invested in those relationships and I was looking to the future that could have been, but in the end, it seemed I was not economically viable and my efforts were seemingly underappreciated, so I was swapped out for the working class.

Before those two relationships ended, I fought and pleaded to the individuals to let us work it out, but to no avail.

courage to face the truth

I started to wonder what my friends would say, what my family would say, and what those who knew we were together would say.

My mind wandered around before I could gather the courage to face the truth; and the truth was that I was utterly defeated, even after giving my all.

But there were lessons to be learnt and things to be fixed going forward. Of course, I heard voices telling me to do something bad to them, but killing partners was not a thing as it is now, and I was raised in a home where I could appreciate a female's life and those around me.

Plus, I knew how important forgiveness, was and I have been on both sides of the fence. Even though I disagreed with their bad choices, I could understand where they were coming from.

To be honest, my story is meant to teach 'how fi tek bun'. Granted, cheating should be non-existent, but the ugly truth is that its existence is among the norm.

As such, it is important that no one, especially the males, say that it 'cah happen to mi'. Anyway, Pastor, was I wrong to forgive them?

My story started out with me as a shy guy, and then I took extra lessons, but I eventually became too bad because anywhere I went, it seemed as if girls were going crazy for me.

But my loving grandmother used to say, 'too much of one thing good fi nothing'. Plus, I had no money to take care of a baby.

Also, I started to wonder how I would like it if my daughter's boyfriend had a 'trailer load' of girls, and I felt bad. Granted, if I had a side chick, I would never put her above my wife.

I can admit that many men have cheated on a girl/woman before, so they should be able to forgive a girl/woman if she cheats on them, and either try again or move on.

It makes no sense for them to kill the female, or worse, kill the female and then kill themselves. But that is a good way to hell.


Dear J.B.,

I would suggest that you first take your advice for yourself. You have not been squeaky clean when it comes to cheating. You see everything bad in women. You must have a good look at yourself also.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories