My man cannot keep up with me

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old and I have been reading your column from I was a teenager. My father would buy The Gleaner on Sundays, but my mother bought THE STAR every day just to read Tell Me Pastor. My mother had a special time to read THE STAR; that was after she had her dinner and before going to bed. She would read and laugh and sometimes say, "Pastor not easy."

I went to college and I got my master's degree. I thought I would have been married, but I am not yet married. I am living with a man who is almost twice my age. He has given me a nice home and I drive a nice car. Some people think that I am very fortunate. Here is my problem. When it comes to sex, I have to be very patient with him. I find that he cannot keep up with me; he gets very tired. Sometimes I wonder whether this man would get a heart attack. Sometimes he asks me if I am satisfied and I say yes. I rub his head and he falls asleep, while I am there thinking that I want more. I have not gone with anybody else, but the temptation is always there. This man has a good job and the home in which we live is paid for. He asked me to marry him and I told him that I would soon make up my mind.

I had a boyfriend before meeting this man and he used to take me on a long journey, sex-wise; he never got tired. But my present man gets tired easily. Is there anything you may suggest that he can do? I want to get married, but my marriage must last, and I do not want to cheat on this man. He is such a good man. Please give me your advice.

H.L.

Dear H.L.,

Some people insist that there are certain exercises that a person can do to increase their sex stamina. These exercises include abdominals, walking, quads and hamstrings, and pelvic floor. Some therapist insist that the food one eats has a great part to play in sexual stamina. Foods such as watermelon, chili peppers, apples, ginger, bananas, oats and garlic are said to be good.

In Jamaica, there are certain herbalists who are making lots of money from men who believe that by drinking certain herbs they will increase their sexual stamina. I hear them all the time on the Dear Pastor Show. I cannot recommend these herbs, but I will not fight anyone who recommends them.

You are fortunate to have a man who is good to you in every way. I hope you will remain faithful to him and that you would resist every temptation of going with another man. If you feel that you want more from this man and he will not be able to give you what you need to satisfy you sexually, you need to tell him. I must caution you that you might be throwing away a good man just because he cannot take you on a 'long ride' all the time. Love is much more than just sex, although sex plays a big part in a relationship.

Pastor