Elderly babyfather doesn’t want to marry me

January 12, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 27 years old and I am living with an older man. He is the father of my four-year-old son.

I have lost my job but I am trying to get another job as soon as possible. My son's father has other children and they are older than me. They do not live with him. This man behaves as if his children are the most important thing to him. He does not include me in anything and his children believe that I am using their dad.

I have been living with this man for seven years and I have never cheated on him. I have never trusted him because he is always on his phone texting other females. He does not hide his phone any more and it is okay with him if I know his password. I really want to get married, but it seems as if he is afraid of what his children might say. He is always saying it is better for him to live a sweetheart life, because when marriage is involved, everything will change.

I want to start going back to church, but I am really in love with this man. What should I do?


Dear S.,

This man has not made any commitment to you. He is probably with you because both of you have a child together. But you are with him because you love him.

If he loves you, he is not demonstrating that love. You are a good woman. Although you know that is playing around with other women, you have remained faithful to him. Continue to do so as long as you are living with him. But you have to determine whether it makes sense to stay with him, because very soon you will be 30 years old.

You say you would like to get married, but this man is not interested in marrying you. So what are you going to do? I would like to suggest that you tell this man that you are tired of the life that you are living and, as you see it, he is using you. Try your very best to get a job, save your money and let him know that you may have to move on if he does not intend to marry you. You have been with him for seven years. So you should discuss with a lawyer whether there is anything that you would be able to get from him if you were to leave. A lawyer would be able to give you guidance in this matter.


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