Boyfriend likes to lick my anus

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I am doing so because I consider you to be fair, and you are not afraid to speak your mind. I am in my middle 20s and I have one child.

The child's father and I broke up, but I have another man in my life. He helps me a lot. I had my doubts about him, but now I am convinced that he is a good man. He loves my son and my son loves him.

When I introduced him to some of my relatives, they told me that a handsome man like him must have other girls. I wondered about that when we met and he told me that he has always had girlfriends, but he does not have children.

Another doubt I had was why at the age of 30 he was still living with his parents. He said that there was no reason for him to leave his parents' home. He said that he had his own room and he was not planning to move until he was married.

After six months of dating, he introduced me to his parents and they were excited to meet me and my son. That is one thing he told me to do from the first day I met with them; tell them that I am a mother. After introducing myself and my son, I found out that his mother had a child before she was married, so that caused us to have very good conversations. Her son never told me that she had a child outside of the marriage. This child was a girl and she was given to her father because his mother became pregnant when she was 17 and not in a position to take care of a child.

I can go to his parents' home as often as I want. What they do not allow is for both of us to sleep together if I have to stay over. So I visit and go back to my apartment. This man has some weird habits such as licking my anus. No man has ever done that to me before. We have never had anal sex, but he has asked me if I have ever done so. I became suspicious of him and asked him why he would ask me such a question; he said he just wanted to know. He said that he has never done so.

Do you believe that he is speaking the truth? Or do you think that he wants to practise that with me?

I hope to marry this man. I want to do so very soon. From what I have said, what do you think about him?

M.

Dear M.,

I am glad that you have found a man you love and who loves your son. You are also very fortunate that his parents love you, and that his mother opens up to you and gave you information that she was not under any obligation to do.

You also received an open invitation from his parents to visit them as often as possible. I encourage you to do so because you will get to know them very well. You are concerned because this man has asked you certain intimate questions. I think he has a right to ask these questions and I do not believe that they indicate that he wants to put them into practice with you. You should tell

him what you like and what you do not like.

It is weird for a man to lick a woman's anus. What kind of pleasure can he get out of that? You should tell him to desist from doing so.

Perhaps I am naive, but as I see it, if a man asks his girl if she has ever had anal sex, she should not interpret that to mean that he wants to do it with her. But if she believes that that is what he is trying to say, she should deal with the matter right there and tell him that she is not interested in that. If he insists that that is what he wants, she should end the relationship with him forthwith. Make sure that you and this man receive premarital counselling before you get married.

Pastor