Elderly lover is my worst nightmare

January 16, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am a 32-year-old woman and I have been in a relationship with a man who is twice my age for about two years now. He is caring, family-oriented and loving. The only problem that I have with him is that he is very controlling and he loves to watch my every move. If I go to the bathroom he is there, if I go to the supermarket or shopping, he knows exactly who I am with and what time I was there, and he also counts every rice grain and dumplings that are in the pot.

Sometimes when I want a little spending money he gives me an allowance but I have to detail what I intend to used the money for. He does this because he knows that I am not working, and he uses it to keep tabs on my life.

I want to leave but I cannot at the moment because he made me forsake all of my family and friends.

When we first met it was all butterflies and rainbows, but he is now my worst nightmare. We do not have any children but he wants us to have children very soon. I cannot see myself having kids with someone who is like this.

I need breathing space and I don't know if it is because of the age difference that is making him act up like that. He gets tired easily. I need your honest advice. What should I do?


Dear L.,

You know you are lying. You know that you do not wish to leave this man. You are tired of him questioning every move you make and how you spend his money, but you do not really want to leave him. If you really want to leave him, you would have left already.

You don't have children to hold you back. Although you have not said how much money this man gives to you, it must be substantial. You are living a good life with this man. Are you sure that you are not being extravagant in spending? Why does this man watch what you buy and how you spend every cent he gives to you? You are in your early 30s, you need to go out and get yourself a job. You should remember that not all women could fool senior citizens.

Some senior citizens are suspicious of women your age. They see women like you as gold diggers. Get yourself a job, get out of this man's house and pay your own bills.

How is it that this man is so powerful that he can prevent you associating you with your own relatives and your friends? If indeed he is watching you, he has good reasons for doing so. I say no more.

Are you sure that he does not suspect that you are seeing other men and men who are much younger than himself? I am just wondering.


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