I want the truth about my parents

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and I am having a problem. I grew up with my grandparents. I did not know my mother until I was 14, and she never kept in touch with me. I only saw pictures of my mother when I was about seven years old. My grandparents always told me not to worry myself because they are my parents. At one time I thought my grandmother was my real mother so I called her mommy. She was a teacher. She made sacrifices for me.

My grandfather used to travel overseas and he always brought back the best things for me. I had cousins and they used to come and spend time with us. Through my cousins, I heard different things about my mother. One of them told me that my real mother was a bad woman and when she got pregnant, my grandfather said that she should not come to the house. I was told that after my mother had me, she ran away with my father. They went to the United States of America. My father was involved in drugs dealing. He was caught and imprisoned. One day I asked my grandfather about my father and he said he might be dead for all he knows.

I have a boyfriend and he asked me about my relatives and I was embarrassed to tell him that I don't know much. I told him I am adopted and he wants to know why my mother gave me away. The other problem I am having is that my boyfriend has the same surname as me and I don't know if we are related.

OLD ENOUGH

My grandmother and I get along well, but whenever I talk about how I feel, she tells me to look around and see how I live. I am living much better than my friends; their parents are paying rent and we are not. They have to struggle and travel by bus; I don't have to. However, I feel that my grandparents are hiding something from me that they don't want to talk about. I think I am old enough to know the truth. Nobody is telling me anything. Don't you think that I am old enough to know about my family history? Please help me.

I have not introduced my boyfriend to my parents and I do not know his parents either. I love him very much. He has asked me to go out on dates with him, but I have never gone. We have never had sex. My mother has warned me so many times to be careful with men. My boyfriend told me he doesn't even know whether I am a real woman or a man. I told him that he will know in due time. He said that there are other girls he can get. I told him to do whatever he feels he has to do. But I really love him and I don't want any other girl to get him.

I want to know how to approach my parents (grandparents) about our family history. Every paper I had to sign when I was going to school, my grandmother signed as my mother and my grandfather signed as my father. I don't know if that will affect me in years to come. Sometimes I am confused.

T.

Dear T.,

I understand your concerns, but please don't rock the boat. I am sure that the time will come when your grandmother and grandfather who have played the roles of mother and father will tell you the truth. Right now just be grateful that they have given you a good life and that you are getting a good education.

Concerning your boyfriend, don't allow him to push you into any direction that you do not wish to go. He is a typical man who wants to get under your skirt. He has threatened to leave you by telling you about other girls. I would suggest that you tell your parents about this young man, don't be afraid to do so. You are 22 years old and you should be able to talk to them about relationships.

Pastor